Today someone on the online board I frequent called me out as a shining example--nay, the shining example--of a woman who is 'together' and has it all: a great career, a cute baby and a wonderful husband. A woman who is juggling having a full-time job and being a new mom with all the finesse of a member of Cirque Du Soleil(TM).
Now, I have been pretty honest, perhaps brutally honest about my trial and tribulations both pre and post child. I've documented some of my worst moments over the last two years, especially the last year, in a special section of the board that is only open to people who have opted into that section. Of course, you could argue that the person who painted me in such glowing colors hasn't seen that section, but I've written enough about the not so sunny side of life in the general section that even without knowledge of the special section and my posts there, I'd have to believe that she knows all is not rosy in Ribbit's land.
Yet she still thinks of me as someone who is managing to get by--even better than that, to get by with grace. All I can think of is that either she is wearing some heavily tinted rose colored glasses or I've managed to put on one heck of an act online and not even realize it myself.
Maybe this explains my ever present, never subsiding sense of frustration with everyone and everything, especially Lemel. Lately I feel that unless I throw a hissy fit or tantrum to bring attention to the fact that I am tired, I am fed up, I am worried, I am angry, no one seems to realize that I am one or some or all of those at any given time. Maybe outwardly I don't appear or act otherwise, and that's what's throwing everyone off. Lately, though, I have a nagging feeling that Lemel is deliberately choosing to not 'pick up' on my feeling down in the dumps when I do--that he is relying on his known inability to detect my mood unless I spelled it out in five foot letter (something that we bickered over a lot when we were first dating) to allow him to ignore me under the pretense of actually not doing so deliberately.
It's 10 PM. I should go to bed.
