It's Sunday morning. Houdinin is sleeping peacefully. The radio is tuned to WXPN's Sleepy Hollow and there is a gorgeous mellow song being played. Lemel is printing out rebate forms and I am drinking blueberry cobbler coffee, while playing Hearts on the computer.
Domestic bliss.
~
It's Sunday morning. Houdini's sleeping through what should have been his solids' feeding hour and now everything is off cycle again. He also only drank 4.5 oz (barely) this morning, so my mind is already doing the crazy how much must he eat before 8 PM tonight to have gotten 'barely getting by nourishment' dance. The music* is making me insane and depressed alternatively, mocking the calm our household isn't and echoing the sadness it is. Lemel is in the living room, keeping busy with pointless rebates for things we don't need because it feels that at least he's achieving something; god knows, I know how that false sense of achievement can feel like a millions bucks, right now. It's also a good excuse for not having to talk to me and look at my face, which clearly shows my mind is on something else (and know that the something else is doing mad math calculations to figure out all possible permutations of eating times and eating choices for Houdini so we can get something in him). I am sitting in the office, drinking coffee because I am so tired and need something to perk me up (although coffee never really does that) and at least with flavored coffee I can make the pretense that I am eating something, too. (I hate food and everything associated with it, now). I keep playing Hearts, taking perverse pleasure in beating the computer and creating my own sense of false accomplishment. Besides, you can still see the cards through a blur of tears.
Domestic hell.
~
*Update: Turns out today's song list is 'Saddest Songs' or something like that. It figures even our radio station is glooming on us.
