I've started a list. No, it's not a Christmas wish list, although it is a wish list of sorts; I making a list of movies I want to see when that magical time comes and things have gotten better and I am not listening to the tick-tick inside my brain that marks off every minute of every day with a 'need to feed/needs to eat' refrain.
(Side note: As with almost everything I don't have time to do these days, I briefly wonder what the hell I spent my time on all those weekends I had the past two years? Oh, I know when I was getting my MBA, my weekends and weeknights were devoted to school work but, seriously, the last two years? What did I spend all those hours on? I feel so cheated and angry--oh, there's an original emotion for me, these days-- except that I suppose I feel cheated by and angry at myself and what exactly am I going to do, beat myself up?
Wait, that's exactly what I do. Nevermind)
There are a lot of movies out right now that I would love to go and see and I am not sure if that is because there's a better selection this year, at this time, or because I know I can't go and the lure is strong. Honestly, I think last year there wasn't anything that I really wanted to see and if I remember correctly, my third trimester was just around the corner and that's when I went from being completely calm and zen about the pregnancy (definitely not something I usually am) to becoming a big ball of paranoia (which is my usual style).
(My tendency to digress has become much worse, lately; it's like I can't or don't want to focus on a single thought because, so often, at the back of my mind I do focus on that one thought and... argh, here I go again.)
Back to the topic at hand: I'm jotting down all the movies I want to see that are out right now, so at least I get get them when they come out on DVD. I did the same thing when I was going to school and had no time for what I considered frivolous pasttimes, and that's why I know I'll probably never see any of these movies, because I never actually got around to renting the ones from that particular list. I do remember it was nice just going through the motions of writing the movies down, as if just doing that ensured that there were less stressful times ahead.
So Il'll jot down Rent, Walk the Line, Pride and Prejudice, Brokenback Mountain, The Chronicles of Narnia, Syriana, Goodnight and Good Luck and a few others in my little journal and hang on to it as a promise of better things to come.
