I could take the easy way out and chalk up how I feel to genetic makeup: there's two diagnosed cases of schizophrenia and a couple of failed suicide attempts in my generation; one diagnosed case of schizophrenia and depression and one unsuccessful suicide attempt in my mom's generation; and probably undiagnosed schizophrenia and two successful attempts at suicide in my grandmother's generation (the mental illnesses may have never been diagnosed, but it's hard to dismiss two separate instances of people torching themselves, you know?) . A sudden change in the environment, undue pressure or stress, or several consecutive instances of failure--that last in a family of uber over- achievers--have been known to set things in motion. I could claim to be one of 'them'. Except that I kind of think that's all bullshit and checking out temporarily or permanently are just alternatives.
So much for alternatives.
